Written by Masoomeh Asadi
Translated by Sayyad Hassan Naqavi
Key Words: Children, father, masculinity, healthy sexual identity, best social skills, academic success, significant role
One famous anthropologist believed that fathers are biologically a necessity, but socially a secondary factor. This is the same idea that has long been easily embedded in our culture! In our society, the traditional image of fathers shows that they have not played a significant role in caring for the child, they stay in the waiting room when the baby is born, they never change diapers or warm the bottle, they do not set foot in kindergarten and raise a child. Are almost entirely left to their spouses. These legendary fathers, who played the exclusive role of breadwinner of the family, were a powerful but inaccessible role model for their children and were rarely active partners in raising their children.
Research shows that the influence of the father on the child is lasting and children really need the presence of the father, but remember that not every father is useful. Children’s lives are greatly influenced by fathers who are emotionally present, who value their children, and who can comfort their children in distress and worry. They are emotionally cold and can severely harm their child.
Psychologists have long believed that the involvement and role of the father in raising the child is very important. Increasing scientific evidence suggests that interested fathers, especially those who are emotionally available, play a unique role in their children’s happiness.
In fact, fathers can influence their children in ways that mothers cannot; Especially in the areas of relationships with friends and academic success. Children are more successful at school and in communicating with others when the father is aware of his children’s feelings and tries to help them solve their problems. Conversely, a father who is violent, rebellious, or disobedient to his or her children’s emotions can have a very negative effect on them, and such children are more likely to fail in their homework, fight more with their friends, and be less mentally healthy. This emphasis on the father’s emotional closeness does not mean that the mother’s interaction with her children does not affect them. The influence of the mother on her children is very important, but studies show that the influence of the father can be much stronger, whether it is positive or negative. For example, children in families where the father is absent face more serious problems and risks in relation to school and peers. Boys who do not have a father in their lives have difficulty balancing masculine determination and self-control, while acquiring these skills becomes more important as boys grow older and work harder to make friends, achieve academic success, and pursue career goals.
Also, girls whose fathers are actively involved in their lives are more likely to have healthy relationships with their husbands in adulthood.
Many researchers believe that fathers influence their children mainly through play. They usually play games that involve more physical activity and excitement. Also, fathers attract the baby’s attention with more percussive sounds and play more games. This kind of father’s method of play opens an important way and helps the child to learn about emotions.
Children develop the best social skills that their fathers interact with positively and allow the child to determine the direction of play. Some fathers act as emotional guides. They do not ignore or oppose the child’s negative emotions, but show their children that they understand them and then guide them to respond appropriately to their negative feelings.
According to studies, children have the lowest scores and the worst social relationships, whose fathers were cold, power-hungry, militant and intrusive. In one study, researchers found that fathers who ridiculed and humiliated their children during a video game exercise, blamed them for their mistakes, or took control of the game themselves and showed children that they were incompetent were more likely to suffer than their children. They were. These children were aggressive with their friends, were more unsuccessful at school, and had issues that often led to delinquency and violence.
In general, compared to the father’s reactions, the quality of the relationship with the mother is not so crucial in the future success or failure of the children at school and with their friends. Perhaps it can be said that the reason for this strong effect of the father on the child is that the father-son relationship evokes very strong emotions in the child.
The role of the father in the development of children’s sexual identity
Sexual researchers believe that the influence of the father on the sexual behavior of the child is greater than the influence of the mother, although gender has a wide meaning here. This includes not only the physical characteristics and changes of the growing child, but also the feelings and behaviors associated with these physical characteristics. The quality of paternal behavior with a son is the most important factor that shapes his view of his masculinity. Here, masculinity does not mean violence, hegemony, audacity, restlessness and loudness, but masculinity means assertiveness, positivity, responsibility, rationality and the ability to change in difficult situations. These basic abilities are based only on correct training. And the ability to love is strong.
A father who does not show affection, encouragement, or upbringing despite his many masculine traits may develop unmanly behavior in his son. Research also shows that fathers may be more involved in the development of girls’ healthy sexual identities than mothers. They consciously or unconsciously enhance their daughter’s sexual development, although they (fathers) may not be aware of the extent to which they affect their daughters’ feminine upbringing. A foster father can have a very important impact on the development of his daughter’s femininity, for example, girls who grew up in homes where the mother was dominant and the father was passive, did not participate in decisions and had an educational role, in the future in relation to men Problems.
What was said was a glimpse of the boundless sea of importance of the role of the father in the upbringing of children, and the need to reconsider and recognize this role for its greater impact. In the next article, ways to improve the important role of fatherhood will be presented.