DARK SIDE OF OVER PARENTING

In today’s world, many parents think that being a good and outstanding parent means immersing oneself in water so that the water does not move in their child’s heart and fulfilling each and every wish of the child. All parents want to meet their child’s wishes as much as possible. Parents have apprehensions that what their children would think about them if they don’t fulfill their wishes.
The truth is that paying too much attention to the child’s wishes is the first step in shaping a self-centered personality and making children not have a realistic understanding of social life. The effects is that their child will in the future become an expected young man, a dissatisfied spouse and a bullying parent who expects the whole world to serve him. This child never understands the meaning of contentment and is hesitant in the difficult paths of life.
When a child feels overwhelmed by his or her parents’ love and they always act according to his or her wishes, it is natural that his or her range of desires becomes steadily wider. He wants and orders, and the parents do it without the any objection fearing about their beloved child is not upset.
Such a child, when he grows up and enters society, expects all people to love him like his parents and to act according to his wishes and desires, but no such thing happens their future life and this leads to the experience of feeling defeated and inferior. .
For the young child, the family represents all the world around him. The child’s self-image is a reflection of how family members feel about him or her; Thus, a person’s perception of himself, the world around him, and the people around him is directly influenced by the views and beliefs of their families. The values that a person accepts and the different roles that are expected of him / her are initially learned within the network of family relationships and the child learns them. You must have heard the saying that children behave the way their parents behave, become the way their parents are, not the way they want to be. This sentence illustrates the direct effect of children imitating their parents. They do not enjoy and lose control in difficult life situations. Are such parents expected to raise a contented child? If parents know the meaning of contentment and do not constantly complain in their daily lives about why we do not have something but someone has it (eyes and eyes), they do not hope to raise a contented and a satisfied children.
In the following, we will discuss what parents need to do to raise a contented, resilient, patient and realistic child.
1.Parents need to rethink their behaviors and values and correct what they deem necessary to correct their child’s behaviors.

  1. Parents need to teach their children that living conditions are transient, neither difficult nor lasting. Teach them patience as one of life’s values so that they can adapt to the situation. Tell them that patience is a virtue. Sometimes it is necessary to deal with difficult situations with your child. Visualize so that they know what to do in those situations. For example, what would you do if you lived in a poor family? They should be able to cope with different living conditions and adapt to this situation.
    And if they are rich in a family, they should know that the situation may change at any moment and difficult situations may arise for them. That is why all human beings need to be able to increase their tolerance so that they do not lose control and brake in difficult situations in life.

3.Teach your children problem-solving skills. Talk to them about life issues, engage them, and ask them to solve current problems and use their ideas in life problems. They should learn to be able to control critical situations and try to get out of these difficult situations instead of despairing.
4.Children should learn that even if they have good financial conditions, they should not spend extravagantly.

  1. Never prepare everything for your child, but let him try to achieve what he/she wants and ask him/her what steps he/she is willing to take to achieve what he/she wants?
  2. Also learn that sometimes you can work a little harder to achieve bigger things in the future (teach them foresight).

7.Teach them the pleasure of giving, if they have more than they need (clothes, stationery, toys) to give to children who are deprived of those devices, they need to know the living conditions of people who are very poor.

8.Borrow money from your child, this way they can experience a sense of cooperation and altruism, and you have indirectly taught your child a sense of help.

  1. Define the boundary between stinginess and contentment for your child. And tell them the true meaning of contentment so that your child can understand it.
  2. It is better for parents to explain the reason for saying no to their children. But ,say no to them seriously and lovingly. Probably tell the reason for your opposition.

Although some parents believe that their child does not fully understand what they mean and does not understand the reasons, they should not forget that this is necessary in raising a child. Admittedly, it usually takes some time for children to understand such reasons, but over time, that conversation will be effective. Behavior training of the child should be done in such a way that he understands your attitude. Opposing your child’s wishes without any justification will be difficult and unacceptable for him / her and will create an emotional distance. Parents should be aware that they should set boundaries for their children from the very beginning if Parents should say no to their children seriously, firmly and lovingly at appropriate times
And to oppose them, there is no harm to their personality and they will get acquainted with these limitations over time and will get used to them. In this way, they learn that the wheel of time does not always turn according to their intention and They need to be patient.
A child who has been given everything he/she wants from the first day, if one day he can not achieve his/her desires, he will definitely fail spiritually. Therefore, these exercises should be done from childhood to deliver a realistic and satisfied child to society.

TRANSLATOR: Salma Syeda

KEYWORDS: Over parenting ,Love, children, spoil, teaching, Patience, Charity,Boundary,Contentment,Responsible